Thursday, March 6, 2008

ODE TO SHAKESPEARE

ODE TO SHAKESPEARE:

The fashion ye dost pen,
Enchants us men.
How doth you?
Mould minds blue?

Ecstasy and comedy.
Plight and tragedy.
Stages and sonnets.
As brilliant as comets.
How doth thee?
Oh mighty bard, reveal thy key.

Can any equal you?
Sway spirit, as you?
Nay, for there be none,
Hatched 'ere time is done.

Long live, mighty bard.
Reveal not thy art.
For it is you we love.
Thy star, browsed above...

ODE TO CHEMISTRY

ODE TO CHEMISTRY:

Till the eighth, did I pass in thee.
Thereafter, not a mark, more than three, did I see.
Rot, I did, for two days in hell, not a sign, did I see, of doing well.
I failed, not once, not twice, but thrice,But I couldn't comprehend dry ice.
The culprit thou art, of diminishing the average, by a hundred.
Thus thou art, oh chemistry, the subject I dread.
Be gone, be gone, be gone with all thy might,
I banish thee, oh chemistry, from my sight !

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

THE RIDES OF MARCH

THE RIDES OF MARCH
ACT I - SCENE I
Brutus: Portia, do come. Come my way, with thy bosom exposed in my mouth.
Portia: Thy wish be as good as granted, my lord. But, Oh noble husband, I am curious to know. Why be it that you desire the taste of my hanging valley?
Brutus: An urge, oh fair maiden. It be nothing but an urge. An urge, which the vulgars refer to as horniness. An urge, which the litterateurs refer to as lust. An urge, which to me, is love. Oh my Portia, I love the. I love thy tits. I love thy fair thighs. The thighs which you scarred with the brutal dagger oh, Portia, to prove to me, thy love. Oh, Portia... Fondle with my equipment thou shalt, rest thy orifice on my lap.
Portia: Oh, Noble Brutus, I having been so fathered by Cato, can, with ease endure thy massive equipment. But is my Brutus desirous of fellatio?
Brutus: If it be not much to ask, I answer in the affirmative.
[Portia PERFORMS ORAL ON Brutus]
Brutus: That was quite an act you put up, Portia.
Portia: You performed quite an amazing feat yourself, most honourable Brutus!
[EXEUNT PORN STARS]

x-0-x

ACT I - SCENE II
Portia: Brutus, I am well aware that I be thy mistress and I have no say in thy enterprise. But I had straying into my mind, a question of a rather personal nature.
Brutus: Wherefore speak'st thou in such a manner? Are thou not consider thyself my wife?
Portia: Yes, I admit!
Brutus: Then feel thou uninhibited to continue with thy interrogation, for I believe, it is but transparency, that comes us nearer.
Portia: Noble Brutus, thou being an honourable, strapping young man, in thy mid thirties, doth occasionally engage in the masculine act of masturbation. What be it, that you visualize, while doing so? Do answer me, wisely and directly.
Brutus: [IN A FALTERING TONGUE] I do picture thee. But for thy comprehension, I ought to demonstrate.
Portia: Delighted shalt that make me.
Brutus: Perform what I speak and thou shalt be enlightened!
Portia: I do not cross thee, I agree to what you speak.
[EXEUNT]

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

THE WHISPERING BANSHEE FROM URUGUAY

THE WHISPERING BANSHEE FROM URUGUAY:

Over the waves and under the sun,
She did fly and she did run.
Screeching all the way...

Shouting and screaming,
Her eyes, beaming.
Wailing all day.

Screaming away to glory,
Above fluffy clouds, hoary,
Towards heaven, she went soaring,
Amidst the white clouds, roaring.

Quarreling with the voice of thunder,
Standing in the land down-under.
Struck by lightening she fainted,
A hole in her throat, it rented.
Overpowered by silence,
Alas, ceased her darned nuisance.

She returned to Uruguay.
Silent in her bed, she lay.

Thus, did whisper the Banshee.
She can't scream now, can she?